Find Me In Other Places!!

Dear friends,

I’m very aware that I haven’t written much on this blog over the last couple of years.

I haven’t been inactive, however. I have simply been plying my trade elsewhere.

Please, if you follow this blog, try checking these pages instead – they automatically track my movements and writing.

The Life and Works of Ed Gamester
The Flavour of Murorga
www.edgamester.co.uk

Many thanks,

Ed

Why is it people feel that being “offended” is a state of being so important as to deserve any kind of news coverage?

“In breaking news: man is offended by something!”

The man stated, “I was so offended I thought I might die. I didn’t, obviously, because being offended is totally and utterly harmless and, really, I just need to get over it and grow a pair.”

Bullshit, sirs.

In the last couple of months…

I have lifted: a tree trunk, a 140kg squat bar and a 175kg deadlift bar.  I have also lifted a 200kg deadlift bar, but not as high as I would have liked.

I have performed the following feats of strength: run a half marathon, performed a set of 12 chin-ups on a log and punched with 899 newtons of force.  I have also completed sets of 6 chin-ups with 20kg weight around my waist and sets of 6 squats with 120kg.

I have drunk: 5 different types of absinthe, a few litres of wine and around 8 gallons of beer – all within 14 days.  I have also drunk Fred Harvey Desert Tea and Rebellions IPA, Dr Bob and Decomposing.

I have eaten: Zurek z Kielbasa (Polish soup of soured rye flour and boiled sausage), breakfast waffles and a 25 ounce steak.  I have also tried Bean Boozled Jelly Beans (barf, booger, rotton egg and centipede are just a few of the flavours).

I have created: the Murderbeers vs Poland blog, the Murderbeers website and my own personal website.

I have written: Cakes and Wasps, Dream of Lifting and Hot Pants (songs).

I have purchased: a 1979 Datsun 260z, a Fret King Esprit, a Night Train amplifier, a skull full of vodka, a one-way flight to Poland and a Roman Gladius.

I have been listening to: Stand Up and Fight (Turisas), Feel The Steel (Steel Panther) and Les Miserables 10th Anniversary.

So. Fucking. Bored.

I am so fucking bored.

It’s the kind of unrelenting, deep-routed boredom that starts in your head and works its way down into your belly. The kind of bored that means you can’t even be bothered to move any part of your body, except your eyes, which loll around uselessly.

This is not you everyday bored, caused by a lack of interesting things to do. This is the vast, cataclysmic boredom, caused by the ceaseless futility and meaninglessness of every aspect of your life.

It manifests itself in bizarre ways, not typical of boredom. Bursts of unnatural energy and pointless activity are common, as they only way to summon the will to move is to commit to the movement and – inevitably – do so spasmodically.

Nothing helps. Any kind of stimulant simply makes you more ineffective; you expend more energy doing just as little as you were before. Coffee, to this extend, is no way of getting through the working day.

I’m so bored I actually feel physically ill. My body wants to rend and tear the place to pieces, just to DO something that isn’t this – whatever it is I’m meant to be doing!

By the time you feel this bored, however, it’s too late. Doing something exciting won’t help; it requires a total change in lifestyle. That’s why I’ve bought a one-way ticket to Poland. Fuck this shit.

Everything Changes….

I have neglected my blog for too long. So long, in fact, that everything from my address and my job, to my gym and my band has changed! Here is an update:

Location: High Wycombe
Job: Creative Content Writer, Causeway Technologies
Band: Bowa Town
Gym: David Lloyd, High Wycombe (I know, I know. Read on for a proper explanation….)

Never Buy From Gold Star Tickets

I recently received an advertising newsletter from Gold Star Tickets, which reminded me that I have yet to mention my thoughts on this company. I would therefore like to take a moment to explain why, in my option, you should never buy tickets from Gold Star Tickets.

The Divorce Game

Some of you may have heard of Wedlock, the first ever divorce insurance company. I won’t say any more about them, because the whole concept makes me feel a little dead inside.

What I will mention is that their website has as “Divorce Calculator”, designed to tell you how likely you are to get a divorce – hence, I assume, how likely you are to need divorce insurance. Today I decided to play with this calculator and see where it got me. You know, anything to put off working.